Virginia and Spain

This angel overlooks a street in Juderia, the old Jewish section of Cordoba. The congregants of the church here were out on the streets in Palm Sunday procession.

From ancient trauma to very new, that's been my journey this past couple of weeks. Visited the castle in Spain where the inquisition was managed for 300 years. Rode high speed trains through a dream-like landscape where armies of Romans and Visigoths and Moors and Christians had camped and fought, strategized and maneuvered. Then home and barely touched feet to earth when client crises erupted and now the pain and suffering coming out of Virginia. It is said that PTSD "sets up" like fresh concrete if it is not addressed soon after the trauma. As I watch the faces of the young people telling their stories, the parents describing their fear, I see again how a community that listens attentively provides a way to keep the trauma soft, to process it on many levels, and to keep one person's pain-laden insanity from becoming a lifetime of hatred for others. As you watch the images, hear the voices, I hope that you will lift each heart into light and love to help the anguish dissolve. Likewise, I found myself tapping into the newly forming layers of grief and anger around all who would kill others while killing themselves. Here there is much work to be done in the world of envisioning prayer.

I'll write more about our Spanish journey later; really tired right now. Wanted to point out that there is a way, at the bottom of these posts, to be notified when I post. Since I'm kind of sporadic, that might be useful.

Love, Lynda

Specifics or Personal Agony

So, I'm curious. What specifics draws healing light from you? Or, put another way, what in your personal life, sphere of influence and/or the news, makes you want to DO something?

News comes in many forms - phone calls, e-mails, lunch, TV, radio, the internet. Fear rises in me when a client becomes difficult or sales are down. I am pained by word that my friend's mother is terminally ill or a child I love has run afoul of the law or medical bills have left my hard-working friend bankrupt and terrified. It is hard to watch news of people who are stunned that anyone would hold them accountable for poisoning drinking water for the god of profit or for blowing people up for the god of power and surety. I get a helpless feeling in the pit of my stomach.

The only thing that makes it go away is to breathe deep into my belly. From years of practice, I associate this breath with going within to the center of my being where I connect to the infinite, to that spark of God that was put there when we were made in God's image. I conceive of God as beyond gender, beyond comprehension, but I do know that the substance of the universe is Love. In that Love, we live and move and have our being. We and those we share the world with sometimes engage in a very bad conversation with that Love, and are afraid. But perfect Love casts out fear. In those deep breaths, I strive to live that. I can't say I understand it, but sometimes I can feel it. In those moments of knowing, my awareness expands and softens, and I become less a part of the problem and more a part of the solution.

I turn away, sometimes, from more bad news, or find myself vaguely hoping someone somewhere will take care of it. At other times I rage around the living room; I want to go join something, or tear something apart. It is my fear speaking, or the agony of shared pain. Just breathe, only breathe, and radiate the light of the Son, the presence of the Mother, feel the Love of the Creator. This we can do in any given moment. This can bring us peace beyond understanding, and radiate healing love to all that we have concern for.

So, I'd like to hear, what specifics move you to want to act or heal or rage?

I'm going to be gone, but will be back for Easter and beyond! Love, Lynda

Nature and Communion: Traumatic Separation, Powerful Union

Greetings from the ancient land of Nanthahala. That is the Muskogee (Creek) word for the Atlanta area; it means something like "the place where the light looks beautiful shining through the trees all day." Such an apt description. Held communion outside today, using the old stone well casing as an altar. Trees and sky reflected in the paten, as I lifted it up with the bread of life to be transformed into the body of Christ, lifted up our lives to be transformed into Light. The morning sun shone off the cup; it felt as if the whole acre, the trees and I were all one cup sharing what it felt like to be filled with eternal Presence.

I found myself, with some trepidation, at a juncture of trauma between Christianity and Nature. As beautiful as the ceremony felt, I knew that someone looking down on me from the windows of the office next door could have any one of several reactions. Not everyone would see the beauty - a woman raising Christ's cup to nature goes against certain kinds of Church beliefs; those who follow mystical or feminine or nature-related paths often have histories that associate Christian practices with pain and rejection. There is anguish and pain on both sides.

PTSD symptoms include feeling separated from life, and from clear thinking. This is strongly evident in our western culture's relationship with nature. Drawing from the wisdom of indigenous tribes who lived embedded in nature, there are many ceremonies that seek to restore harmony at deep levels. Communion is designed to do the same thing. I can't see a separation, except through the imagined eyes of that watcher in the next building. Then I can feel the thousands-years war, and feel a slight tingle of danger as I step onto a bridge that joins them. In our meditations, I would ask for light and love to go to dissolve this weird separation from nature that has occurred.

Relationship as antidote

Standing on Fort Mountain last weekend with dear friends and fellow practitioners of the sacred arts. We talk about creating ceremonial space, our grandson listens to our stories, wolf pups gambol at our feet, the trees sing to the setting sun. One of life's magic moments. The web of relationships that support my life in this moment is antidote to the inflammation of daily news and rat race. Rich and creamy food for the soul!

It is not always so magical, sometimes cultivating relationship is downright boring or inconvenient or confrontational. Friendship food for the soul can be as rich as 18% butterfat ice cream or as astringent as parsley and cucumber juice. I value both these foods, and have learned to appreciate the taste of vegetable juice. So it is with friendships.

Later in the week, I began to lay out a dream I have for my future, when a friend reminded me in mid-sentence of my need to be responsible. It was as tart as that green juice! And as cleansing. I can be so hyper-responsible that I forget to play; I put off creative pursuits that feed my soul. She made me mad enough that I got very clear on where my practical side was holding my dreamer hostage. It broke the paralysis from which I'd been suffering. So both conversations were ultimately supportive and encouraging, though one was more enjoyable in the moment.

We have so many relationships that can feed us. It is time, as a worldwide community, to strengthen our connections, to support each other in those connections. Our links with each other are as beautiful and strong as spider silk. I feel that net around me as I put these words out to you - these words that are only a tiny part of the relationships we have with one another. As I stand at the altar, as I visualize light dissolving the gook, as I wrestle with the challenges of daily life, I feel you along that iridescent web living in a good way and sending out love and light to me, to each other and to all those around you. I am sustained by this web, buoyed up by it. When I feel overwhelmed by the news of the day, the cons and the wars and the maneuvers of the power hungry, it is love to and from these connections that returns me to hope and fuels visions of a different way of living for all created beings.

More power to you in the love within which you live, move and have your being! Love, Lynda

Whew

Can't think, brain dumb

Inspiration won't come

Sick car, sick me

Sick computer, what a week.

Fraught clients, crazy world

Overloaded, silly girl!

Coming soon, (this afternoon?)

Brighter words, a different tune!

Prayers for Ourselves

Prayer from this morning's service: "Lord, make me soft where I need to be softened, make me fierce where I need to be fierce. From this comes hope and the grace to be healed."

A number of people have talked about how the first thing they noticed in their meditations was the ways trauma had left its mark on them. As they turned the love on themselves they could feel it transforming others. S said “I felt like the microcosm of the macrocosm.”
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This is so true. When we heal ourselves, we not only remove our contribution to the problem, but send out ripples of healing. Our healing helps dissolve tight patterns of anger or grief. It also clears a path for others; it is by the grace of those who went before us that we grow and walk as easily as we do.

We are in the heart of Lent now, and it gets hard as we face our own "gunk." For me it comes down to trusting that the love applies to me, that I don't have to work so much out of anxiety that whispers "not enough" (not doing enough, not good enough, too little time/money/energy). There's a strong feeling of struggle in me now, as if the past three years of losses are all coming up for retrospection for Lent. It doesn't take much effort to see this pattern of living all around us. My small victories over myself help set a new pattern of being - which is also encouraged by the transformation of the bread of our lives into Christ presence, or the first part of the communion service.

Others are experiencing the healing gift of our Lenten meditation practice in these ways:


C: "For myself, while I can love in the abstract, sometimes I struggle with loving difficult individuals with whom I have to interact. Remembering that it is not my job to fix them, but instead focusing on surrounding them with a cocoon of love has been helpful."

That is really where the rubber meets the road! Can we actually love the (annoying!) person in front of us?? Sometimes I find I just have to talk to their soul and ignore the persona their showing me!


Mi: "Ever since I was a kid, I've always "enjoyed" Lent. Something about new beginnings, a second chance at those New Year resolutions already forgotten , self-discipline and a chance to work on inner strength. I like your idea of just personally generating peace within our small, individual realms...really the only arena that most of us daily do have a chance to impact, huh?"

The joy of discipline is that it sets us free. Discipline builds inner strength, like having strong muscles helps us walk and move with more grace. (I often meditate while working out or walking; it makes the most of the time that can feel so hard to set aside!)


Ma: "I have been feeling that all the "gook" and all the different layers of "stuff" are beginning to shift a bit. Your meditation gets right to the heart of it, I think. I did a communion about 2 weeks ago that felt like it moved all the way through heaven and earth in a very peaceful and fluid way. Often, when communion moves that way, I will feel a backlash or reaction to the shift, but this time, all was quiet. After a few days, I realized that I waiting for the "pop" back and it wasn't happening, so I quit waiting for it .... and moved on ..."

Ahhhhh. When we surrender we find that unexpected grace. PTSD is highly reactive, as we see when war begets war, violence received creates violence performed. Its wonderful when the dissolution really happens and there is nothing to bounce back towards us!

Love and grace to everyone in this wonderfully productive time of healing. Your comments and encouraging notes mean everything to me.

Please feel free to post on the blog too.

Love, Lynda

Prayers for the World

While raising up the bread during communion today, I felt a surge of joy, of laughter, coming from That Presence. We had been meditating on healing of trauma in the world. There was such love and support for that effort that it felt like a dance, a jig, at the altar!

This flower was praying light into the city air in the garden outside the chapel this afternoon. Prayers for the world happen in many forms; here are some that people have shared with me over the past week. The different words and views were inspiring to me; thought they might resonate...

Prayers while watching movies: "It’s funny how things sync…I’ve been thinking a great deal about just this kind of sensitivity and endeavor of late (may have something to do with trying to catch up on the Oscar hopefuls and seeing films like Blood Diamond, Happy Feet, and An Inconvenient Truth—they all deal with waking up to things happening in our world…"

"I have had similar visions over the past year or two. I would be happy to join you in sending love to the planet as a whole and especially to those areas where the need is greater."

Prayers while teaching: "I, too, would love to see a world filled with love and peace and, as you know, have spent twenty years dedicated to trying to instill that vision in the minds of our children. I may approach this meditation in a different way, but I will be there with you in spirit!"

A spiritual mentor, Mother Ruth, used to say "God will dissolve that mountain if you let Him." (or oily gook/crystallization)

"It sounds like it's all in alignment with the universe and focusing on the positive and sending out love to everything and everyone."

Prayers while watching the news: "I love your vision and meditation focus and agree that it is one of the major causes of violence, more trauma and more war. This is the cradle of civilization, very close to the birthplace of Christ, how can we bring peace, love and tolerance to this place?"

Prayers while being at work: "I sit in it when I'm 'out in the world' doing whatever it is I'm doing. And I also agree that tangible love can dissolve that layer. Radiating the love into the layer is the way to do that. My challenge has been learning how to do that without losing myself in the process, without drowning or suffocating in the oily gook. I got excited at the thought of more and more people being able to see and then to choose to give their attention and their love to dissolving this layer. The more people that give their attention to this, the more quickly this layer will begin dissipating and we really will be bringing heaven to earth. The distance between the two isn't as great as some people would have you think. We're breathing it in every single solitary day!! "

A spiritual mentor, Mother Ruth, used to say "God will dissolve that mountain if you let Him." (or oily gook/crystallization)

"It's a wonderful action to pray for and hold a vision for a greater action of loving to unfold. "

Notes from other modalities: What you are describing about visualizing a black oily gook, is something that we use in ReUnion work. We call it an energy shape, found in the body in the field or in the universe somewhere. Once you find it, you encapsulate it and send it love till it fades to light or shatters and is gone, whatever works for the client.
...a specific EMDR technique called lightstream
...a good use of "free attention"

Have a wonderful next few days; I'll try to post every few days. Love, Lynda

P.S. I didn't credit the quotes because of confidentiality. If something you said is up there and its okay for me to use your name, please let me know and I'll add first name. Also, please feel free to click on the comment line just below and write your thoughts!

Week 1 Notes

Notes from a kind of journal I’m keeping, just in case it might be useful. I’m also transcribing notes from others (in a way that protects confidentiality) and will post those as well. Meanwhile, would love to hear continued feedback and insights!!!

Ash Wednesday

One thing I experienced in this morning’s service was tangibility. The hosts of heaven were indeed strongly present (the opening prayer invokes their presence). This is solidity of a different kind than the chair I’m sitting in. It’s hard to describe when you get into seeing, feeling, hearing in the non-physical world. My senses are pretty normal; I don’t have a great deal of psychic ability, don’t see ghosts or such things. What I experience is a knowing that is ultimately real, even more real than the chair.

I feel called to surrender to the presence of the eternal good in the power of suffering and the grace of not being in control even though a great deal of what I hear in spiritual circles is about taking control and creating your own life. Someone said the other day that there are two hidden words in the first commandment. “I am the Lord, your God…you’re not.” The essence of our conundrum is that we are co-creators with God, neither completely in control nor completely passive. This is the koan, the sacred riddle, of life on earth.

Thurs.
Heartfelt wisdom has been coming in from people responding to my e-mail, frequently bringing tears of joy. During mass, I gathered up all that love and strength into the cup, onto the plate, and flung it out into the gook layer, where it became a spider web of light clinging to the top, then sinking into it and becoming a three-dimensional network. Sticky, strong, unshakeable like spider silk. Cracks in the gook radiating light. What power we generate togther as we join the legions of light/life/love workers both physical and heavenly.

Fri.

Mass has a physical recipient today. Her presence sets up a field that strengthens our purpose. My meditation focuses on what the western teachers called the seven inner stars. I do a detailed meditation at each one, cleansing and balancing myself, what I radiate, and the whole layer of consciousness associated with each arena of human endeavor. Again I feel the supporting presence of the hosts of heaven and the angels of light invoked on Ash Wednesday. Congruently, it also talks about joyful fasting and turning our hearts to the treasures of the eternal. A cross of oil is drawn on participants forhead, the oil being blessed with the infinite wisdom and grace of the light that is the substance of the universe.

Sat (written on Sunday)

Looking back on yesterday, which was full of frustrations on that very personal level of interacting with technology, finances and all the nitty gritty details of functional life, its as if a layer of personal reactiveness was brought to the surface, laid over with the healing spider web of light, and lifted up at the altar as a kind of bread that my inner adrenilin-junkie part has fed on for a long time. The last moments before bed were full of discouragement. All I could do was breathe in and out as I did my (more adult, maybe) version of “now I lay me down to sleep” surrender to “that which is” versus “that which I, in all my wisdom, think should be”.

Sun.

I slept well for a full 8 hours, so the day’s closing prayer must have worked. And new insights into the functional life problems make me hopeful. The content of my personal contribution to the gook layer is painfully clear. Hope springs up as new insights reveal tools and practices for healing survival reactions that have outlived their usefulness. Part of me loves to panic, to creatively imagine worst-case-scenarios as future fact, especially in the area of personal finances. There is a subtle chemical rush that makes me feel like part of the normal world; fear has an edge that we relish (as writers of thrillers and producers of slasher films well know).

I have a kind of chemistry-lab in my head (I was going to be a biochemist when I got diverted to seminary). I envision reversing the flow in a tube connected to the gook layer. Perhaps we can convert the energy of artificially stimulating our adrenals to siphon off energy from the beastly gook, rather than feed it. Worrying about the financial future or riding a wild thriller film may not be heaven on earth, but is certainly better for the common good than shooting someone.

Join In

If this practice calls to you, please incorporate it into your own work, both internal and external. I have seen a shared meditation like this have big impact! There are several ways to participate.

• Include the image of "dissolving the gook with love" in your prayer or meditation practice. This is the simplest and most immediate way to join in.
• Share your experiences by adding comments to this blog, or e-mail me.
• Join with others in time, we gather in the nonphysical world to spend 15-30 minutes with the practice once a day, twice a day, once a week...
• Mornings: between 7:00 & 8:00 a.m and/or
• Evenings Between 6:30 & 7:30 p.m.
• Sundays: between 4:00 & 5:00 p.m.
• Weekly focus: if you can only join in once at week at the scheduled times, you may want to time it with the physical gatherings and ceremony that happen in the Brookhaven neighborhood of Atlanta. Those are listed below.

It helps to know that there are others joining in even when we can't physically see them. I wanted us to have flexibility and be able to have a sense of shared practice even when our schedules and physical locations don't match! Of course we are dealing in a non-space-time world with this, so if you can’t “be there” at the exact time, you can still tap into it whenever you do your practice. Since there are people participating in all the continental U.S. time zones, our meditations roll across the country every day. Very cool!

Physical gatherings:

Monday: 6:30-7:30 p.m., communion at 7:00 (no meeting April 2)

Wednesday: 7:30-8:30 a.m., communion at 8:00 (no meeting April 4)

Sunday: 4:00-5:00 p.m., communion at 4:30 (no meeting April 1)
Easter Sunday, April 8: Easter service at 10:30 a.m

There is a 1/2 hour meditation before communion; if you are running late, just enter the chapel quietly! Afterwards, we've been having tea and marvelous conversations. Please e-mail me if you need directions or more information.

Communion is served on Tues, Thurs, Fri, Sat., usually in the late afternoon or early evening, before Jim and I go home for the day. We are flexible, and occasionally serve in the morning. Requests for times that work for you gladly honored whenever we can!

The Original Vision

As Lent approaches, I often find myself focusing on a theme for the season. I wanted to share this year's theme with some friends, and see if anyone felt moved to participate.

So here's what I'm seeing.

Once upon a time upon a mountain in the full moon light of a very cold night, I saw love incarnate in the light - every mote, every sparkle was dancing with the substance of the universe, that is God, that is love. Since then it seems to me that even the chair I'm sitting in is constructed of vibrant love.

Another time, worried about the condition of the world (easy to be worried!) I must have somehow asked a clear question about how to help - one of those miracles that come and go and don't remain in memory! What I saw in answer was a picture of one of the contributors to ongoing violence, hatred, anger and the desire of some people to exploit or control others. It is a world-wide shared layer of the results of trauma (a planetary case of post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD) that breeds more trauma. I saw it as an oily gook, hardened into rock in some places.

Simultaneously I saw how tangible love could dissolve that layer and contribute to a more heavenly life on earth, and that simply sitting and radiating that love into the oily gook was, at least, a good way to contribute. It has been a good outlet for service in my prayers and meditations, and has the wonderful effect of lessening my worry and dissolving my personal internal scars and reactions as well. I feel it has a healing effect on my family, friends, clients, all those I have concern for.

My practice of this vision has been sporadic, so it has occurred to me that it will be a good thing to dedicate this Lent to being more regular about seeing the world-wide layer of PTSD dissolved in love.

If this practice calls to you, please incorporate it into your own work, both internal and external. If you do anything like that, I would love to hear from you, and, if you care to, share it with others who are participating.